we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
