This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
