Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
