my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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