this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
