i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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