i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
