Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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