I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
