I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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