Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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