"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
