i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
