come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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