i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
