I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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