WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
