i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
