I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
