i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What a dumb baby whore.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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