Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
