i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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