I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
