You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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