Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think my vagina is haunted
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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