its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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