I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
