I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
