We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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