oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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