Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
