my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
