Nicole vs. Life
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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