I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
