I smell stomach acid.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
