to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
