if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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