i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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