I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
