I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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