yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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