i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
