Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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