Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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