The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
