Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
