You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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