For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
