if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
