There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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