Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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