My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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