Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
