In the future we'll all be gay
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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