the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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