I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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