dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
