I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
