after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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